The chef's blog

Fool cover

Yes, I got one. My Aviva home policy states that I’m very well covered for damaged to my property caused by rivers breaking (there aren’t any where I live), fire, explosion, lightning, earthquake (they just won’t stop in South East England), being hit by UFOs or having my front garden mined by a jihadist suicide maniac. But it’s only the very small – and completely unexpected small print – that reveals that Aviva cannot be bothered to cover me for any damage resulting from the humble hailstorm. Can anyone explain that?

Luckily, as it was only the mujahidin – and not hailstorm - who can be blamed for the insulation on my new extension roof being ripped off by high winds, the dear insurer sent their emergency team to make the house water tight and secure while my claim needs to run its 100-mile red-tape course. Only emergency Bob could not come for a good couple of days, because it was dark and raining and he’s not covered to work in such extreme weather conditions. After all, working for an emergency team, Bob cannot be expected to put on a pair of Hunters and brave the wind. Why should he?  In order to get out of bed, emergency Bob needs it to be a light, not too hot but not too cold day, dry but not too dry.

Thankfully I am less exacting, so the sight of a stiletto-clad female, wielding  20 yards of tarpaulin against gale force 8 in Beaufort scale on her flat roof entertained my next-doors that Sunday night as an alternative “Grow your own drugs for Christmas” on BBC1.

I’ve made one New Year’s resolution: :I'm getting a pet baby zebra. I’m dead serious. If you’re reading this, please take another 2 minutes and enjoy the movie: